Eww.
So, I didn't actually get around to my workout DVD last night.. not that I thought I really would, thus it is a given I will do it tonight. Deal.
Sunday roasts are a big tradition in our house, being a veggie does mean I can weedle my way out of eating the stuffing and meat etc, but my Dad tries to make up for what he calls my "ridiculous ways", by piling on the other components- CARBS, roasties etc. CALORIE HELL.
My Dad has a weird relationship with food, not to get all oldy-worldy on you old but he grew up where there was not always a meal on the table, so to him, a grand meal is a sign of what he's achieved, bless my pop, I do love him, to him, me rejecting his Sunday roast, which consequently is the only meal in a week we eat as a family, is me rejecting him. Obviously not in my eyes, but rejecting it is rejecting him.
So I'm faced with a dilemma, obviously the main option is to eat then purge, but purging has been my nemesis since my relationship with food deteriorated a few years back, this is meant in no offence to those who purge, trust me, I've been there, but now I feel like I've got the control to not have it at all, my mind set slowly changed from eat, purge, eat, purge, to "What's the point, I'll purge it anyway?"
So I'm not disrespecting those who eat and purge, but for me it seems like a step back in the wrong direction, a reminder of a dark time in my life... Back then I had a lot more on my plate, pardon the pun, than I do now, at present, I truly believe that losing weight will give me the freedom to be happy with myself.
Sorry, I know this post is a bit pointless and rambly but ahh what the hell, I'm popping up the health food store for some vitamins in a bit so I'll probably look for some shiz there to cleanse. My dad is not the most observant of people either so I'm sure the good old cutting up trick will work too ;)
Any other suggestions?
Other than the Sunday Roast dilemma today's not been bad so far,
Lunch- Mushroom Bake Salad
Organic Mushroom Burger - 160cals
Mushrooms - 20 cals
Lettuce - 15 cals
Half Yellow Pepper - 15 cals
Oh and a spoonful of baked beans - 30 cals?
Shit loads of black coffee
Total - 240 cals
Not entirely sure on the baked bean calorie amount, half a tin is about 170 cals so I'm gonna guess around 30, might be less but I prefer to over estimate- makes for nice surprises when I step on the scales.
Talking of stepping on the scales, weighed myself this morning: 148 lb, so down a pound, was a little disappointed so defintely going to have to hit up the gym hardcore next week.
I want arms like above. Not the picture above that.
Anyhow, off to clean my room to procrastine and put off revising..
Flo xxxx
I totally sympathize with your struggle to deal with the carbs. Throughout Christmas I was surrounded by roasties and Yorkshire puddings. When you are eating just the cabbage and carrots off your plate those carbs seem so very tempting. And when you give in to temptation you just feel so dirty and disgusting...at least I do anyone. Exercise and fasting the next day always works for me. It helps me be pure again.
ReplyDelete*sigh* I should tidy my room too as I just have all this junk and no-where to put it. I won't throw it out though!
-x-