La Roux, The Seaside and Pizza

Last night was a m a z i n g, I had such a good night.

I drank. Surprise surprise.
But stuck to vodka and sweated like a pig dancing.

We got some chips after, but they stayed in me all of five minutes and I weighed myself this morning and there was no change from yesterday, which is a fucking relief.

Today I went to visit where I'm going to uni, I fell in love with it.
The winding landscape and the never-ending sky is pure beauty. The smell of the sea and the breeze on the pier. And the winding alleyways of hidden gems and tiny pubs with so much character. AH I LOVE IT.

It felt safe.

I will spend the next three years pretending I'm a Mod from Quadrophenia, getting high and listening to Northern Soul and the Who.

With some History degree on the side.
Bring it on.

As for the rest of the day,
I had to have lunch with my dad, it was inescapable, Pizza Hut buffet.....
Lucky I brought 40 Ducolax whilst pops was in Waterstones..

I managed to purge a tiny bit too, but it was too risky as I didn't want to ruin the day with my dad.

xxxxxxxxx

Zombie

I literally walked around for the first half of the day feeling like I was about to keel over.
I couldn't even bring myself to bike in - I'm such a lazy fuck.

After two coffees and FOUR, yes FOUR bottles (500ml) of diet coke - I was starting to feel semi - normal, but in the last half hour since I've gotten home I've crashed again.

Am definitely going to have to whip out the old pro plus for La Roux tonight, I also figure the general sweatiness of the two and a half hour gig should be burning calories, I'm upping ftom 500 to 800 cals just for today, because I really am going to need my energy tonight.

Sorry I can't remember who posted this picture recently, but I felt it fitting for the post.

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Mars Ice Creams - 148 calories ; fucking amazing.

Sober.. continued

Apologies for the rushing below, and also for the atrocious spelling mistakes - my bad.

Ended up having a 200 calorie salad and quorn dinner - leaving me at a total of 500 calories for the day. My number.  :)

Feeling so tired so looking forward to bed this evening, I'm just going to force myself to finish some Psychology and give my room a hoover. What a wild life I'm leading.

Also, meant to be going to a party on Saturday dressed as a song title.. Any suggestions?

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Speaking of music - remember ages ago I said I'd do an Amy Winehouse post because I love her; I WILL do it soon I promise, but here is some thinspo of her anyway.

Sober

I am definitely back. And I love it.

Food is so easy to dismiss again. When my mind wanders in class, it's not to hunger, it is to ways to burn, and envisaging how I will look when I reach thin.

I can do this.

Enough of the la di da,
300 calories in counting today, soup for dinner.

I've set myself new targets in my diary, so fingers crossed.

I've made the executive decison to only drink once a week at social events, so I'm saving myseld for Saturday as I'm going to two parties, one after the other, and my best friend from London is coming up. Excited.

Going to La Roux tomorrow night, sober.

I have to go because I'm being kicked out the library for closing.

xxxxxxx

Paranoia

I was going to attempt to write a post in the college library, however people keep coming up behind me and writing it directly on to blogger is making me paranoid, thus this being typed directly into word – what a thrilling fact for you all to know.


I’ve got to bum around college for a few hours because I’ve got a work meeting at 6 and it just seems pointless to go home first, as home is on the other side of the city.

Food wise today could be better, could be worse.

Had a cheesy salad thing for lunch.. which I should have skipped but I’m just too fucking weak, (370 cals), followed by a FAB lolly, which tasted fucking good in the heat. (90 cals), planning on just telling my mum I ate at the work meeting tonight as they do generally have loads of food there, this means I have to remember also not to fucking eat at the work meeting.

Also, I biked my usual nine miles, so got some exercise in there too.

I keep saying fucking a lot today, apologies, I think the stress of everything is building, and I’m chain smoking like a motherfucker again. Whoops there goes my potty mouth again.

Never mind, no-one reads this shit anyway.

I really am putting off an essay due.

Instead I’m sitting here wishing vampires were real, reading your blogs, wishing I hadn’t had all my hair cut off and generally bathing in self loathing.

On a more positive note, I get paid on Friday – Hallelujah!

This means I can finally book my Benicassim Ticket! See the line-up here…
Nine days camping by the beach in Spain starting on the 12th of July, this gives me 76 days until I have to be beach ready. Fuck my life.

Good day to you all.

xxx

P.s. I also firmed my Uni choices. Scary.

I had forgotten..

Just how satisfying that was.

xxxxxxx

So I'm fine until I eat..

Talk about stating the blinking obvious.

By what I actually mean is, I can go days when I don't eat a thing, and I feel fine - but then as soon as I eat one thing that is slightly naughty; todays example being a cheesey topped salad from tesco, I seem to go into a feeding frenzy...

Cue..
One bowl of pasta,
3 chocolate mini gingerbread men,
2 mini bags of Mcvities cookies,
and TWO BREAD ROLLS

What the fuck is wrong with me..

I'm off to spend some time with a friend I haven't seen in a while, Mia,
which is incidentally probably one of the reasons my arse has gotten so fat.

Fml.

xx

Sleepy

I've managed to go the weekend on about 10 hours sleep, so apologies for the lazy post.

I think the only proper meal I had was yesterday evening - a small bowl of pasta, and then the rest has been pickings. I have however drunk loads, "What a surprise..", I hear you say.

All in all, actually had a good weekend, went to two good parties without texting the wanker boy.
This means that for once in my life, I don't have to try and rectify my drunken wrongs on a Monday morning.

Well played.
Aiming to lose 5lb in the next week.. We'll see.

thinspo thinspo thinspo

I really need to start revising and stop obsessively reading Twilight.

Florence x

R.I.P Bella x

Shocked and saddenned right now.

http://aperfectsatisfaction.blogspot.com/

xxxxx

Libraries

I like libraries, they are one of my favourite places.
It sounds really lame, but I like the fact everybody keeps themselves to theirselves in libraries. I could sit all afternoon and not be bothered. It's nice to be alone.

The sun has been glorious today and have spent the afternoon laying about outside college rather than finish some coursework due tomorrow, oops.

I'm only a hop, skip and conclusion away, so I'm not panicing too much.

I had my a fitting today for the fashion show I'm modelling for.
"So okay, if you'd like to just go into that room and take your clothes off, the designers will be in one by one to dress you and take picture."

Cue PANIC.

I got up early this morning to shave my legs etc, and make sure I was wearing matching underwear, but nothing could prepare me for the horror of having to stand in that room and take my clothes off. I could feel my face going redder and redder, why am I here? why am I here?, it was awful.

Everything fitted apart from one pair of high waisted trousers, which were about an inch too small around the waist. I just kept apologising to the designer, and she was lovely and just kept saying, "Don't worry everyone has different shapes", true- but mine just happens to be that of a fucking monster.

I have to go back for another fitting next week. I am determined to lose that inch.

I have also found out that the best friend of my ex-boyfriends new girlfriend is also in the show, which means that new girlfriend will most likely come to watch. Even more motivation to be skinny.

Can I also just take a moment to comment on a topic that came up in the lovely Shrinking Violets blog; the general election, the second of the live debates is on tonight, so sorry if later on tonight I post a long ranting blog about the state of politics in our dear country. This will probably be followed by another long rant concerning my frustration at not being able to vote in the forthcoming election due to me being a whole TWO MONTHS too young. Gutted. So advance apologies for those, either not in the UK, or quite simply not giving a shit about politics (not that I judge).

Food wise today has been okay; I've had a banana, a bottle of kick and a creme egg, which I know was naughty, leaving me totting up around 300-350. Dinner will consist of either salad or soup.

I promise to do a thinspo post soon, I'm posting this from a college computer so I can't, but possibly even tonight.

Hope you're all okay.

Florence xxxxxxx

Melody

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEQIl5l8krk

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Ew.

Oh and also, I had another fitting for the catwalk show I'm in tomorrow, but I cancelled - because I literally feel too disgusting to function.

x

Sober

I've decided I really do need to stop drinking.
My days are fine, I stick to my diet coke, my salad and my apples - that is not the problem.

Drinking is a big part of my social life, and it's actually quite sad that, bar college, I'm guessing at least 90% of my social life revolves around alcohol.

Not only does drunkness bring drunk texting, and general ruining of my life.. it brings binging - big time binging.

I need to just stop.

Exam season is nigh, so hopefully I can see loss like January exam season.

My best friends Grandmother died today.
It's got me thinking a lot about the world, the stars and the universe. Rest in peace.

Florence xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FINALLY MY LAPTOP IS FIXED

Hello my pretties!
Sorry for the complete unexplained absence! I managed to crack my laptop screen - yes, I am a dickhead, so I've been without the internet for AGES.

Going to have a massive catch up on all your blogs tonight. And get back in the game.

Not much has happened of great significance this easter:

Been to a few parties.

Kissed "boy" far too much, even though he is an idiot.

Eaten. Too much

Drank. Copious amounts.

Revised. Nil.

Worked. Too much.

Progress to 112 lb. Nil.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Florence

So little time!

I have so much I need to do tonight! Blogging is one of them.

Bear
with
me.
xx

Trying to be a little clearer

Woah, I just re-read over what I posted in the early hours of this morning, and my my that was a little confusing lol, completely take your point Violet, haha.

Basically, the boy who I like, and have been kind of getting with from time to time, got with another girl in front of me last night.

I didn't mind too much, because it would never be my right to be annoyed.

But what did annoy me is that when I got in, I decided to check out her blog; only to find she'd posted a blow by blow account of the whole night, including her conversation with him, about me.

I barely know this girl. She knew I liked him.

The confusing bit about the whole story, is that I was on one your lovely blogs, and I saw that she'd left a comment - she has which blogs she's following hidden, but through a bit of extra stalking (hahaha) I basically saw that she was following a lot of Pro-Ana blogs.

That my friends, is why it is a small world.


I'm a dickhead really, because later I was getting with him, why do I allow boys to rule me. It's stupid.

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It's a small world

NB. I am editing this post because I realise I didn't explain it very well.

There is someone on here, who I recently discovered follows someone from my college/vice versa. There are a whole ring of girls from my college who have blogs, some whom are lovely people, but not many I could call a friend.

And obviously my blog is, as I intend to keep it, completely anonymous, so it came as quite a surprise when I saw her leave a comment on a blog. Not even the fact that she's pro-ana, just the fact she was there.

In my bubble.

Anyway, one of them, who I'm not going to lie, I sometimes have a little read up of her blog, was particularly lovely to me tonight, so when I came in just now I thought I'd have a little read of her blog.

Foremost.

I saw her kiss him. I didn't mind. I don't have a hold on him.

But.

She just wrote about me on her blog. And what he said about me to her.
It wasn't even bad.

Then, why does it still hurt?