Day 7 - Your Ex

I don't want to post the letter to B-Boy. Too
much.

________
Anyhow,
sorry for my little two day break,
1. I played the gig; went okay. Job done.
2. I've had so much family around
3. I've had so much food around.

I'm doing a mass thinspo search tonight.
Along with commenting and catching up.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Day 6 - A stranger

Dear Boy in the Library,

You are beautiful.

And obviously like the library too as

I see you everyday,

(with your girlfriend)

She always looks grumpy,
come and sit with me instead?

I could make you happier, hah.

x

_____________________________________________

AHHH

Panic.

I've spent the whole night rehersing for my first proper gig tomorrow night at a little venue in the city,

a
b
s
o
l
u
t
e
l
y

shitting

i
t
.

This is worse than any exam nerves, I'm just gonna be shite

I should probably add that no reassurance from friends/family will placate me, or get this idea out of my head, I also managed to break my capo so I've got to get a new one before rehersals tomorrow, which will be all day, and it's all just pressure, pressure, pressure.

Blah blah blah.

Anyhow, did spend the day attempting to revise, however it ended up me just giggling to Bea about library boy and how hot he is.

Bloody hell he is hot.

Ate some sushi and a yogurt, 350 cals, however then I had a fricking muffin which I'm so angry with myself for having, so I took about 5 laxies straight after and I can safely say they've done their job. Would've just purged but I didn't want Bea to get weird.

Still disgusted though, eurgh.

Parents are arguing, thus I'm watching skins.
Forgotten how beaut Effy is; thus Effy, aka Kaya Scoladerio, thinspo is in order.

I love the last two

xxx

Day 5 - Your dreams

Dear Sub-Concious,

Why do you have to betray me?

As much as I can spend my days, attempting, rather poorly to block Theo out of my mind, I cannot escape from him in my dreams.

You highlight my weaknesses, but I can't ever remember you highlighting my strengths.

You've made me scared about Friday.
More scared than I was before.

But you are part of me, so I am at a loss.
__________________________________________________

There is nothing like a bit of Jeremy Kyle Show, followed by Trisha on a Wednesday morning. Paaah.
Sad as it is, it makes me feel better about my own life; these people are proper nutters.

Jezzy is such a babe.

Quite proud that yesterday was under three hundred calories;
- Fruit Pastell Ice Lolly (70 Calories)

- 1 Peppered Quorn Steak (97 Calories)

- Spinach and Tomato (20 Calories)

Some cawwfee, and SHIT loads of Peppermint Tea, it's quite possibly my favourite tea.

*******

I AM sorry that I keep moaning about exams, my social life has taken the brunt of the impact.
You know it's got bad when your Dad offers you money to go out and get drunk?!

But ONLY a week left kiddies, then it's my leavers ball and THEN my birthday, wheeey

Summer Goals: to be decided ; although it obviously goes without say that losing weight is a given.

Have a lovely day people.

this girl makes me wish I'd never cut my hair off.

arms. arms. arms. I have a real issue with my arms. I have a full length Grecian nude dress for my leavers ball, but my arms just look disgusting and doughy.

b e a u t i f u l

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Dearest Brother Bo,

Nothing in the entire world smells nicer to me than your hair when it's just been washed.
It's the biggest comfort to me to smell and know you're still innocent about the badness in the world,

I'll miss you the most when I go to uni.

x
(ps. don't tell the others)

__________________________________________________________--

That letter may seem creepy, but bear in mind Bo is only 2 and  he is simply to cutest thing.
Also, sorry that these letters are boring for everyone else.

So, had a big exam today, could have actually been a lot worse - Psychology;
example question ..
 25 marks on the origins of eating disorders.

Fun times.

Post-exam..
I got forced to eat a English muffin with eggs with my friend B, which I reckon was around 400 calories.
Purged some lasange.
Purged some ice-cream.

I am a pig.

Cycled around 10 miles, and if I can summon the energy I will go for a run on my usual track which I discovered, through this gem of a site; http://www.runfinder.co.uk/ , is around 5 miles.

However I have been up since 6 so the likelihood of that happening is slim..

Day Three - Your Parent

Dear Pops,

I'm sorry if I made you sad today by asking you about your own Dad, and I'm sorry I didn't get you a proper present for Father's Day. Mum's right; I am selfish.

"I don't have a Dad"
was your response, and in that single moment I had to clench my fist so hard not to cry, because you really are such a wonderful Dad, and your pain hurts me.

I'm sorry for all the things I done to make you hurt, and I'm ashamed of the way I've acted to you at times. I want to make you proud in life. I am proud that you are my Dad.

I'm sorry for ever, ever uttering the words, "I hate you", because in those moment I remind myself of mum and it pains me. It actually physically pains me to think I'm am her.

I have to keep reminding myself, as much as I am her, I am you too.
And as long as I model myself on you, I know I'll be okay.

You should know that you not only inspire me, you inspire others around you.

I love you with all my heart.
xxxxxxxxxxx

____________________________________________________________

Reading some of the blogs tonight, I feel inferior.
I'm becoming a recluse.
My friend popped round to see me today because she said I "sounded sad on the phone".
It was nice, lovely infact,
she asked me show her my summer ball dress, I oblidged, shuffling awkwardly down the stairs

"Stop slouching, if you stood up straight you'd look 6 pounds smaller" - Wisdom from the mother,

but Flower told me I looked like a princess.

but
then
she
had
to
go

gone.

And I was sad again,
standing in a ridiculous dress that made me look like a fat five year old. and arms the size of thighs all hanging in their disgusting splendour.

you see

everything is so, instantaneous,
at the moment.

Nothing lasts, but there is no moving on, I
feel like I will be infinitely stuck between exams,

emotions come, and they go,
the rest of the time I feel nothing.

I want to go and get fucked up and lie in a field in the sun listening to the Smiths.

I'm so fucking melodramatic.

Get

over

yourself

Florence.

Day 2 — Your Crush

Tory Boy,

You're obnoxious, self-centred and arrogant 90% of the time.

But in that other 10%,

you

are

simply
wonderful.

I like that you're not afraid to be sensitive
(sometimes)
when you tell me what scares you;
you really can be sweet.

and when you stroke my back and tell me its going to be okay,

even if it's not

and

smile,

it blinds me.

it's that 10% that matters.

____________________________________________________________

I really will post some decent post soon, that aren't just letters to people that mean little to anyone else but me!

So for now, just some thinspo.

I love this picture so much

ribs n' blades.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

BB,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that night happened. And I'm sorry I didn't more to stop them.

I was a coward.

And
I've regretted it every day since.
You deserved so much more from me than what I gave.

I am sorry from the bottom of my heart
That you had to find me in the way I was;
all broken.

But I want you to know, that there was nothing you could have done
so I don't ever want you to feel guilty.


And I promise to strive, for the rest of my days if I have to, to make it up to you.

As for now;
you need help.
Like I did.
You need to let me help you. You need to let Lizzie help you.

I know this sounds the most hypocritical thing, but you need to let us close,
all we want is to be there for you.

You will get through this,
you, to me - are simply wonderful.

You're intelligent and beautiful, but this hole that you're in, is trapping you and you need to get out before there's no escape.




_____________________________________________________________________

Time passes.
The library drags.

I eat more than I intend.
Do a little less revision than I intend.

I can't let go of the past.
Why the fuck am I going to do a degree in dwelling on the past?

Fuck.

P.S.

I'm starting this as of tomorrow, the letters I mean.

No more hiding.

x

x

A-Levels have been eating my soul.
And study leave has left my eating myself into a hole.

I'm sorry I went away,
I have been reading, occasionally commenting, but seriously revision has absorbed me.
I have 2 more left, and then I will be a free woman.

I'm tempted to delete this.

But I can't.

No,

I want to start fresh.
I want to be pure.

So,

I'm stealing this from the lovely, Hazel at Thinner than Yesterday,

The idea is you write how you feel.


Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror


I will write letter's,
Which I doubt I will post.

But sometimes that is enough.
I want to rid myself of baggage. I need to let it out.

Sorry

I was going to leave.

I just logged on with the intent of deleting this and hiding.
I can't.


I'm sorry
x