Broken

I failed.

I broke.

I binged.

I feel disgusting and I want to die.

I was sitting happy on a 500 calorie day, but a cheesecake and a sandwich later takes me up to a disgusting 1300.

I'm so disgusted with myself.
I've purged what I can, I got quite a lot up but it's still unbearable.

Tonight I'm going to a sit up for every calorie I binged.

Thank you to the beautful Katie at Skinnybuisness.

For my beautful blogger award; it really does mean a lot, so thank you very much my darling.

I will post my seven secrets/facts later I just want to think really hard about them before I do :)

I will also be passing this lovely gesture on to some of you other beauties.

The past two days have been a struggle at times.

Feeding my little brother ice-cream earlier was a struggle.

Yesterday was 200 calories. Today 350.

I've just come back from a 3 mile jog; I had to get out of the house, I was too scared I was going to binge.

Both today and yesterday I've done the nine mile cycles, and yesterday was a 500 calorie gym burn.

I had to get out of the sauna- I was seeing white spots.

I want this so badly.

I'm going to shower and then read in bed. I have to resist this.

It's been three days without binging.

xxxxxxxxx

Work. Coke. Bike. Sleep. Repeat.

Once again; posting from the college library.



Revision feels like it’s eating my soul.



But I can’t complain, the shifting of all my focus on to these 3 subjects, History, Psychology and Media, isn’t allowing my focus to shift on to anything else.



My room is tidier than it’s been in a while,

My life is embedded in a ridiculously little amount of drama.



For me anyway.



When I look back from the posts from the last exam season, January, my weight loss is the same



focused,



I am better under stress.



Just two bottles of diet coke so far today, soup for dinner I think.



Shall be biking the usual nine miles, but with a bit of a de-tour to the gym;



a place that hasn’t seen my face in a while.



xxxxxxx





ps. Probably worth mentioning that I mean coke of the diet variety in the title, no class A’s for me yet this term.

187 calories.

I feel like I'm slowly but surely getting back on track, after the booze fuelled weekend, strict restriction is the only answer.
My stomach feels like
its
 eating
 itself.

Standing up I feel faint.

I feel good right now.
I've missed this.

9 miles today, gym tomorrow.

I need to update my sidebar and comment on all your blogs but my bed is calling me...

Florence...

Ya see.

Tonight I've been revising Psychology - Eating Behaviours.
Oh the irony.

Love love love

xxxxx

Blur.

Too many coco pops.
A veggie subway.
Something consumed around wine 'o' clock. Crisps?

Fast for the rest of the weekend.


People keep saying I look skinnier. I don't see it. Or feel it.

xxxxxx

Revision with friends = Pizza.

Pizza. Cake making. Chocolate

Sneaky purge.
Pretend I just took my make up off.
6 laxatives. Pray that tomorrow I haven't gained.

Quick post. Watching film. Friend on the floor.
Lack of sentences.
Lololol.

xxxxxxxxx

The end of an Era

Firstly, thank you for the lovely comments on the last couple of blogs - you guys are amazing.

On to more pressing matters, today is the first day under our new PM, David Cameron. Bye, bye Gordon. *cries*.
I am a Labour girl at heart, and as much as I dislike the Conservatives, they did get the most votes. I just can't bring myself to back a party who voted against the passing of Gay marriage and adoption, as well as banning of fox hunting. The vegetarian side of me has a heart after all.

Prime Minister David Cameron

I won't be one of those people that will grovel and moan about them, because in all honesty I'm sure they'll do some good things.

What does annoy me however, is that we've ended up with Nick Clegg as deputy PM, when actually the Labour party got at least 5 times the amount the Liberal Democrats did. Where is the democracy in that eh?

Enough of politics.

Yesterday was good, 400 calories - 9 miles of biking.
Today, so far, only 2 cans of Diet coke, a couple of black coffees and some herbal tea, plus 10 miles of biking.
I have work at 5, so I'll be biking there and back too, I'm guessing another 4 miles, not sure whether to have some soup or at least something, as I'm not actually trying to completely fast. Hmmm.

I can feel the shape of my legs changing; but I want these.

xxxx

P.S. I can't comment on any blogs! It keeps coming up with an error; I'll try again later.