So I'm sitting in the computer area at college which is, for once, quiet enough to allow me for have a catch up on all your lovely blogs. I should actually be completing my media coursework which is due in tomorrow.. But you know how it goes.
Trying to stick to just liquids, fruit and soup; or that's what the plan is, so far today I've had an apple and 2 bottles of diet cherry coke, my favourite.
I reckon I'll be at college tonight until they kick me out - this coursework really is a bitch. But on the plus side it will keep me busy and away from the kitchen.
On another note, I got paid today! Woooop, my aim is to not spend ANY on food. Thus saving myself a whole lot of pennies, any money that I would have spent on food I shall save and spend on something amazing, something that I haven't quite decided yet, but perhaps one of the old Bright Eyes albums that I haven't got yet.
I've finished lessons for the day, but my college holds lunchtime concert things and I went along at lunch with a few friends, sat next to my ex, and we were getting along nicely, flirting, but I mustn't let myself get attached again; something that I know could all too easily happen.
On the advice of Kemper at Choke on Air I decided to check out my Natal chart on an astrology website,
I was a bit dubious at first, but seriously surprised.
"Sun in Cancer natives have a strong survival instinct. They are protective of those they care about, and of themselves too. They are often quite reticent about sharing their inner selves to the rest of the world, and are often caught up in reminisce. Cancers have a reputation for moodiness, although this trait is most evident when the Moon is in Cancer. Cancer needs roots. They resist change to an extent, and concern themselves about being secure and safe in most everything they do. Cancers can be quite intrigued by objects with history attached to them -- antiques, photos, souvenirs, and the like. "
That is me.
You get a whole load of stuff about what you're like depending on all the planets, and I haven't read it all yet (as I am painfully aware of the fact I should be doing some coursework), but I will do later. I also wouldn't want to bore you all. But seriously check it out, could be a good distraction.
http://astro.cafeastrology.com/cgi-bin/astro/natal
Speaking of distractions, I really should get stepping.
Hope you're all having a good day.
Florence xxx
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
Bright Eyes
I've spent the last two hours reading Bright Eyes lyrics.
Here are some of my favourite.
They're all I want to consume at the moment.
"Well, you’re probably right
But at least I’m not blind to the facts
I’ve been wishing were lies
But still I hope you get everything
That you care to possess
And unbelievable sex with him
Or any one of my friends
But just don’t ask about my appetite
I didn’t lose it tonight
No, it’s been gone half my life
It’s just act, I’ve been eating for you"
"You said you would be my dream. I could have you every night
and if, by morning, I had forgotten you, well, no big deal, it would be all right
'cause you are the reoccurring kind.
You are the reoccurring kind.
You never really leave my mind."
"You’re looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
You just keep going to the bathroom always say you’ll be right back
Well it takes one to know one, kid, I think you’ve got it bad
But what’s so easy in the evening, by the morning is such a drag.
I’ve got a flask inside my pocket we can share it on the train
If you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane.
And I’m not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away but the feeling never did
It’s not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is
What’s so simple in the moonlight, now is so complicated
What’s so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight"
"I'm staring out into that vacuum again
from the back porch of my mind
the only thing that's alive, I'm all there is
and I start attacking my vodka
stab the ice with my straw
my eyes have turned red as stoplights
you seem ready to walk
you know I'll call you eventually
when I wanna talk, 'til then you're invisible
cause there's this switch that gets hit
and it all stops making sense
and in the middle of drinks
maybe the fifth or the sixth
I'm completely alone at a table of friends
I feel nothing for them
I feel nothing, nothing."
"And I sat watching a flower
As it was withering
I was embarrassed by its honesty
So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That's taken its place
So please forgive what I have done
No you can't stay mad at the setting sun
Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep"
Here are some of my favourite.
They're all I want to consume at the moment.
"Well, you’re probably right
But at least I’m not blind to the facts
I’ve been wishing were lies
But still I hope you get everything
That you care to possess
And unbelievable sex with him
Or any one of my friends
But just don’t ask about my appetite
I didn’t lose it tonight
No, it’s been gone half my life
It’s just act, I’ve been eating for you"
"You said you would be my dream. I could have you every night
and if, by morning, I had forgotten you, well, no big deal, it would be all right
'cause you are the reoccurring kind.
You are the reoccurring kind.
You never really leave my mind."
"You’re looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black
You just keep going to the bathroom always say you’ll be right back
Well it takes one to know one, kid, I think you’ve got it bad
But what’s so easy in the evening, by the morning is such a drag.
I’ve got a flask inside my pocket we can share it on the train
If you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same
We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane.
And I’m not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away but the feeling never did
It’s not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is
What’s so simple in the moonlight, now is so complicated
What’s so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight"
"I'm staring out into that vacuum again
from the back porch of my mind
the only thing that's alive, I'm all there is
and I start attacking my vodka
stab the ice with my straw
my eyes have turned red as stoplights
you seem ready to walk
you know I'll call you eventually
when I wanna talk, 'til then you're invisible
cause there's this switch that gets hit
and it all stops making sense
and in the middle of drinks
maybe the fifth or the sixth
I'm completely alone at a table of friends
I feel nothing for them
I feel nothing, nothing."
"And I sat watching a flower
As it was withering
I was embarrassed by its honesty
So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That's taken its place
So please forgive what I have done
No you can't stay mad at the setting sun
Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep"
Wallowing.
I feel alone at the moment.
I can sit in a room with my friends and I feel alone.
I'm thinking a lot about good and bad, and about the world, and about where I'm going in life.
Everything seems so insignificant at the moment. I feel insignificant.
I, I, I.. All I think about is myself.. Jesus I've fucked things up.
I can't find solice in your blogs because I envy each and every one of you.
I just want to wallow.
Which is even more pathetic.
I just want to start fresh.
I can sit in a room with my friends and I feel alone.
I'm thinking a lot about good and bad, and about the world, and about where I'm going in life.
Everything seems so insignificant at the moment. I feel insignificant.
I, I, I.. All I think about is myself.. Jesus I've fucked things up.
I can't find solice in your blogs because I envy each and every one of you.
I just want to wallow.
Which is even more pathetic.
I just want to start fresh.
Monday, 29 March 2010
READING READING READING
OH MY OH MY OH MY
LIBERTINES LIBERTINES LIBERTINES LIBERTINES
I am so amazingly psyched right now, got a reading ticket, line up is amazing, all time favourite band are playing, thought I'd never get the chance to see them. So happy.
I've eaten like a pig today, but nothing can detract from my happiness right now.
Flo xxx
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Coming up only to hold you under
I recieved a facebook message from boy I like.. after we'd had the .. "there's no point getting involved in anything serious as we're off to different uni's soon" conversation a couple of days ago..
this is all it said..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN5uYlmOClE
Sweet. But seriously.
What is wrong with the male species, I've been trying to give him some space. Why am I doing it to myself, I am a masochistic beast.
Anyhow, aim for this week pretty straightforward, no more than 500 a day.
Here's some thinspo because it helps. Helps to remind me that I got a long way to go.
this is all it said..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN5uYlmOClE
Sweet. But seriously.
What is wrong with the male species, I've been trying to give him some space. Why am I doing it to myself, I am a masochistic beast.
Anyhow, aim for this week pretty straightforward, no more than 500 a day.
Here's some thinspo because it helps. Helps to remind me that I got a long way to go.
bones bones bones
Florence xxxxxx
Saturday, 27 March 2010
Oops.
Well what a massive fail of a week this has been..
My downfall.. alcohol.
Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday - I was drunk.
On Wednesday I had my measurements taken for this modelling thing I'm doing,
I spent the entire 45 minutes there paranoid as fuck.
Convinced all the designers would be like why the fuck is this fat bitch here.
I have 4 or 5 more fittings before the show, and shoots etc, so I need to slim down QUICK.
Rah. This post isn't really going anywhere, I'm not in the mood to post.
I've only had 3 hours sleep and a whole lot to think, and I'm on a right caffiene come down after copious amounts of coffee and a 9 hour shift; I'm starting to get proper withdrawals from it.. yesterday I was getting serious headaches, over easter I may just do a giant detox.
A detoxing of my life is definitely in order.
See what I mean, my thoughts are a wee bit scattered. So after yet another long ass shift at work tomorrow, I will do a proper post.
Florence
xxxxxxxx
My downfall.. alcohol.
Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday - I was drunk.
On Wednesday I had my measurements taken for this modelling thing I'm doing,
I spent the entire 45 minutes there paranoid as fuck.
Convinced all the designers would be like why the fuck is this fat bitch here.
I have 4 or 5 more fittings before the show, and shoots etc, so I need to slim down QUICK.
Rah. This post isn't really going anywhere, I'm not in the mood to post.
I've only had 3 hours sleep and a whole lot to think, and I'm on a right caffiene come down after copious amounts of coffee and a 9 hour shift; I'm starting to get proper withdrawals from it.. yesterday I was getting serious headaches, over easter I may just do a giant detox.
A detoxing of my life is definitely in order.
Beautiful.
See what I mean, my thoughts are a wee bit scattered. So after yet another long ass shift at work tomorrow, I will do a proper post.
Florence
xxxxxxxx
Monday, 22 March 2010
I love diet coke.
Of course my weekend plan didn't go as smoothly as i'd hoped..
Stuck to around 500 Friday and yesterday, today.. well lets just say I didn't.. purged A LOT, but then again also ate alot.. scales are telling me 156lb.. which is down two pounds.. but we'll see in the morning..
Tomorrow is Monday. I like Mondays. I like the distraction of college.
I enjoy keeping busy at college, I'm feeling pretty determined and I'm pretty sure this week will be seeing me just fill up on diet coke :)
I'll be biking nine miles a day, now I've got a new bike; and the majority of your will know I was devastated when I lost my old one through my own drunken foolishness!
So that's the exercise sorted. Gym on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday too.
Calorie wise I'm aiming for no more than 400 a day, this will mainly consist of apples and soup, and of course my beloved Diet Coke.
Semi-anxious for tomorrow in all honesty.. boy will be out.. he will let me down/ I'll be hideously drunk and text him stupid texts/ I will want to cry = Florence feels like a fool.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Stuck to around 500 Friday and yesterday, today.. well lets just say I didn't.. purged A LOT, but then again also ate alot.. scales are telling me 156lb.. which is down two pounds.. but we'll see in the morning..
Tomorrow is Monday. I like Mondays. I like the distraction of college.
I enjoy keeping busy at college, I'm feeling pretty determined and I'm pretty sure this week will be seeing me just fill up on diet coke :)
I'll be biking nine miles a day, now I've got a new bike; and the majority of your will know I was devastated when I lost my old one through my own drunken foolishness!
So that's the exercise sorted. Gym on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday too.
Calorie wise I'm aiming for no more than 400 a day, this will mainly consist of apples and soup, and of course my beloved Diet Coke.
Her thighs are beautiful
Although, actually, tomorrow night I'm going out, not planning on eating in the day, so maybe an apple before I go out, and then I'll stick to Vodka Coke to save some calories.
This post seems very formal. I'm just relaying my plans for the week in a really rigid way, sorry it's not very readable.
Me... tomorrow....probably (note.. not actually me in this pic, just saying I'll probably end up on the floor)
Semi-anxious for tomorrow in all honesty.. boy will be out.. he will let me down/ I'll be hideously drunk and text him stupid texts/ I will want to cry = Florence feels like a fool.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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