Pizza. Cake making. Chocolate
Sneaky purge.
Pretend I just took my make up off.
6 laxatives. Pray that tomorrow I haven't gained.
Quick post. Watching film. Friend on the floor.
Lack of sentences.
Lololol.
xxxxxxxxx
Thursday, 13 May 2010
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
The end of an Era
Firstly, thank you for the lovely comments on the last couple of blogs - you guys are amazing.
On to more pressing matters, today is the first day under our new PM, David Cameron. Bye, bye Gordon. *cries*.
I am a Labour girl at heart, and as much as I dislike the Conservatives, they did get the most votes. I just can't bring myself to back a party who voted against the passing of Gay marriage and adoption, as well as banning of fox hunting. The vegetarian side of me has a heart after all.
I won't be one of those people that will grovel and moan about them, because in all honesty I'm sure they'll do some good things.
What does annoy me however, is that we've ended up with Nick Clegg as deputy PM, when actually the Labour party got at least 5 times the amount the Liberal Democrats did. Where is the democracy in that eh?
Enough of politics.
Yesterday was good, 400 calories - 9 miles of biking.
Today, so far, only 2 cans of Diet coke, a couple of black coffees and some herbal tea, plus 10 miles of biking.
I have work at 5, so I'll be biking there and back too, I'm guessing another 4 miles, not sure whether to have some soup or at least something, as I'm not actually trying to completely fast. Hmmm.
I can feel the shape of my legs changing; but I want these.
xxxx
P.S. I can't comment on any blogs! It keeps coming up with an error; I'll try again later.
On to more pressing matters, today is the first day under our new PM, David Cameron. Bye, bye Gordon. *cries*.
I am a Labour girl at heart, and as much as I dislike the Conservatives, they did get the most votes. I just can't bring myself to back a party who voted against the passing of Gay marriage and adoption, as well as banning of fox hunting. The vegetarian side of me has a heart after all.
Prime Minister David Cameron
I won't be one of those people that will grovel and moan about them, because in all honesty I'm sure they'll do some good things.
What does annoy me however, is that we've ended up with Nick Clegg as deputy PM, when actually the Labour party got at least 5 times the amount the Liberal Democrats did. Where is the democracy in that eh?
Enough of politics.
Yesterday was good, 400 calories - 9 miles of biking.
Today, so far, only 2 cans of Diet coke, a couple of black coffees and some herbal tea, plus 10 miles of biking.
I have work at 5, so I'll be biking there and back too, I'm guessing another 4 miles, not sure whether to have some soup or at least something, as I'm not actually trying to completely fast. Hmmm.
I can feel the shape of my legs changing; but I want these.
xxxx
P.S. I can't comment on any blogs! It keeps coming up with an error; I'll try again later.
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
Popping veins and forgotten love hearts.
I couldn't summon the will to get out of bed this morning. I slept until 12ish until I couldn't sleep anymore.
I glanced in the mirror. SHIT.
What the fuck has happened to my face, or more importantly, my eyelids.
All that purging last night has popped all the veins around my eyes, so not only am I fat, I am fat and ugly and look like I've been beaten up.
I've tried to be productive today, but mostly I've moved around furniture in my room, avoiding revison, watching Jeremy Kyle and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I had visions of have a massive clear out, clearing out all the shit in my life.
But mostly it just feels like I'm uncovering more shit, and after TWO years of him planting them around this room, I am STILL finding tiny red love heart sequins that my ex left as a surprise.
I found one and it felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.
I am going round in circles.
xxxx
What the fuck has happened to my face, or more importantly, my eyelids.
All that purging last night has popped all the veins around my eyes, so not only am I fat, I am fat and ugly and look like I've been beaten up.
I've tried to be productive today, but mostly I've moved around furniture in my room, avoiding revison, watching Jeremy Kyle and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I had visions of have a massive clear out, clearing out all the shit in my life.
But mostly it just feels like I'm uncovering more shit, and after TWO years of him planting them around this room, I am STILL finding tiny red love heart sequins that my ex left as a surprise.
I found one and it felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.
I am going round in circles.
xxxx
Monday, 10 May 2010
Fire
My mother just called me downstairs, there is a house down our road on fire.
I threw on my dressing gown and dug in my cupboard for slippers, and trudged outside.
Lights.
Engines.
Smoke.
And the sound of smashing glass.
I can't imagine.
Everything you own. Literally everything.
Up in smoke.
I feel so bloody useless, just standing in the road, a little closer stand more people.
Does oogling the destruction, the destruction of a persons wellbeing, their life, really make it any better?
So I've come back inside, started typing and here we are then.
I hope nobody is hurt. And I hope that it will be okay.
I can hear the mechanics outside, and the occasional breaking of more glass, and it can feel the rumbling against my window.
I don't want to look outside, it feels too personal. I feel like I am intruding on the beginning of the end.
Sometimes I feel so insignificant.
I threw on my dressing gown and dug in my cupboard for slippers, and trudged outside.
Lights.
Engines.
Smoke.
And the sound of smashing glass.
I can't imagine.
Everything you own. Literally everything.
Up in smoke.
I feel so bloody useless, just standing in the road, a little closer stand more people.
Does oogling the destruction, the destruction of a persons wellbeing, their life, really make it any better?
So I've come back inside, started typing and here we are then.
I hope nobody is hurt. And I hope that it will be okay.
I can hear the mechanics outside, and the occasional breaking of more glass, and it can feel the rumbling against my window.
I don't want to look outside, it feels too personal. I feel like I am intruding on the beginning of the end.
Sometimes I feel so insignificant.
Binge
Please dear god give me some motivation.
I ate well all day. 500 cals.
Then mid-way through the breaks in Glee. Binge.
I tried to vom but it was just not happening. Now I just feel fatter, my face and eyes are puffy and I want to die.
Oh I really need to get a fucking grip. Just re-reading that sentence makes me feel pathetic.
I'm not sorry for posting like this because it is how I feel.
I'm sick of apologising for everything about me.
I ate well all day. 500 cals.
Then mid-way through the breaks in Glee. Binge.
I tried to vom but it was just not happening. Now I just feel fatter, my face and eyes are puffy and I want to die.
Oh I really need to get a fucking grip. Just re-reading that sentence makes me feel pathetic.
I'm not sorry for posting like this because it is how I feel.
I'm sick of apologising for everything about me.
Bon bon bon
Sorry I haven't posted much this week, I don't even really have an excuse, I think I've just been putting it off because I've been eating shit.
I've haven't gained. But I haven't lost.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62i9Sodwp5o
Only love is all maroon.
Expect a proper library post tomorrow. xxxxxxxx
I've haven't gained. But I haven't lost.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62i9Sodwp5o
Only love is all maroon.
Expect a proper library post tomorrow. xxxxxxxx
Monday, 3 May 2010
Laxatives
I really need to stop relying on laxatives.
Anyone who says that they don't work is lying.
But I can't keep using them to cleanse me.
This weekend was a good one- life wise.
A bad one - food wise.
This post is shit, but I am tired, I will post properly tomorrow my loves - need to have a catch up on the blogs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Anyone who says that they don't work is lying.
But I can't keep using them to cleanse me.
This weekend was a good one- life wise.
A bad one - food wise.
This post is shit, but I am tired, I will post properly tomorrow my loves - need to have a catch up on the blogs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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