Where's my bike? :(

woke up this morning like, SHIT, how did I get to my bed, vaguely remember getting a taxi, so first question, where is my bike?! Can't find my keys. Balls.

Second thought, shit, shit, shit, remembered eating chips and all sorts of shit in drunken stupendor last night,

Third thought: my mouth is dry and I should check my sent messages, luckily no bad ones, and by the looks of things I got in quite early. Phew.

Then, got up to step out of bed to be greeting by a huge pile of sick, sorry ladies, I know this is a bit graphic for 10 o' clock in the morning, check my right hand, my purging hand, and my rings are off, which means it was self induced, oddly happy that despite my drunkness and stupid fatty binge I still thought to purge. That's a new one. But my memory of it. Zilch.

Bad times though, cos I drank an awful lot last night, I mean, a lot, by nine I was wasted! The night just seems like a big old blur and I can't help feeling that I probably acted outrageously. Mega-cringe. Didn't actually eat anything at the chinese, which was good, however did have a subway in the day.. veggie delite.. can't have been more than 600 for the day.. but then obviously the alcohol calories and what not = massive fail.

Caught up on an infinite amount of blogs this morning as I've sobered, and feeling inspired.

Today I need to:
- Tidy my room.
- Clean the shit out of my life.
- Psychology work
- Make a collage for my mums birthday present; she didn't get me a birthday present so I'm not paying for her to have one. I know I'm being a bit pathetic but I don't care.
- Not eat.
- Rehydrate.
- Removal of the sick.
- Find my bike? lol?
- Not be so knobular all the time. Ha.

Love this thinspo

My gums also feeling like they're bleeding. My teeth look awful, I can see the difference in the colour, texture etc.. I know I need to "man up", so to speak, I love that phrase (: , and go to the dentist, the worst he can do is ask if I have an eating disorder, the worst he can do after that is give me a leaflet or some other shit. Also, I'm thinking that if he sorts my teeth out, it will motivate me not to b/p all the time as it'll just be a waste of time/pain.

Not planning on eating today, just drinking lots, oh fuck, I've just realised as I'm typing this that it's my Mother's birthday meal tonight, shit, shit, shit. All her friends are coming over, think my Dad's cooking, and we'll have to sit round the dining table all pretending to love each other, and I'll get the generic, "How's college?", "What uni's have you got offers from?", "How were your exams?", and then one friend in particular, C, who actually is a very lovely lady who I adore, will take me off to the side later, and be like.. "Well, how are YOU?", she's far too attentive and it scares me.

Well that's just shit on my parade. Eurgh. Hoping I can push a lot of it around my plate and purge the rest. Reminder to self to buy more Durolax today.

Anyway, back to the original issue of the post.
I WANT MY BIKE :( Will just have to retrace my steps from last night. Fuck my life. Ha.
I'm also in reasonably good spirits, I'm probably still drunk.

Flo xxxxxx

Ps. This is how I'll be if I don't find my bike. Albeit far less glamourous and about the size of a baby whale.

Pole Dancing..

Hey Guys,

Did have a big Amy Winehouse inspired post ready for you lot tonight, well half ready, but I've just got in from the gym and I'm already in bed and frankly don't want to post it half heartedly as I really do love the Winehouse.

Anyhow, today has been good in some respects, and bad in others.

Bad - I didn't fast, I had about 800 cals.. bad times... most definitely not a fast...

On the other hand I cycled for 9 miles, gym for 1 1/2 and then an 1 1/2 POLE DANCING CLASS.
Yes, that's right, Florence went pole dancing, it was a free taster so me and my mate decided it would be a laugh, it most definitely was but my legs are soooo bruised now! But I've done some research, and it burns about 400 cals an hour, so my total burn for today is 1300! Plus my normal burn (BMR) of around 1500 cals, so I'm pretty chuffed! I never normally account for my BMR but the fact that I burned about 2800 cals today makes the 800 I ate more bareable.

Tomorrow, I've got a bit of a dilemma, going out for a friends birthday meal.. eekk, but it's at a chinese karaoke ;) So i'm hoping everyone will be too drunk to realise I haven't eaten, but the alcohol calories will be a bitch :| If I fast all day, won't need to drink a lot..

Oh Florence you have such a fucked up logic, why just not drink at all and save your FAT STOMACH.

Truth be told, I would probably give it a miss, but it's just the boy I like its going..

Looking forward to getting some sleep and catching up on your blogs, also "Skins" is on , so here's some Effy (Kaya Scoladerio) insprired thinspo, because she is beautiful and skinny, and her boyfriend is also hot.

Love Flo xxxxxxx

Fast fast fast?

Hello my lovelies,

Astonished at my ever increasing followers, so would like to take the time to say thank you, and hello :)

Today has been.. well not the best... but after catching up on some of your blogs, and finishing my last exam today (hurrah!), I've decided to undertake a fast, exciting stuff, I've never done a proper one before, I've done a liquid fast but not a water only, so I'm armed with pro plus to get me through the day and I'm excited to get started.

It's quarter to nine, I'm in bed writing this, and frankly I'm blooming knackered. I'm also scared to go downstairs, as I feel hanging around the kitchen will cause unnecessary binging..

I'm not going to weigh myself until Saturday, I'm hoping for a pound a day? Is this reasonable? I really haven't a clue, I plan on going to the gym everyday too?

Rebuilt the relationship with my parents ever so slightly.. my dad sent me a facebook message.. how up to date of him.. it had the usual, "worried you're back in your old ways" schpeil, and then my mum ACTUALLY OFFERED to take me shopping after college, shock horror.

Bought two pairs of trousers, both gorgeous, and both too small, told my mum they fitted in the changing room, so I've got not one, but two new items to try to squeeze my fat thighs into. Joy joy joy.

In the car on the way home I was feeling really sick, so my mum took the opportunity to be like "well its because you probably haven't eaten a thing all day".

Wish I could say it had been true!

Watching "fat families" on sky1, its brilliant, this camp fitness guy just goes into peoples houses, takes away their furniture and tells them they're fat. It's great anti thinspo, if anyone fancies a gander. http://sky1.sky.com/fat-families

Can't find it on youtube :( sad times.

Anyway, I think this is enough rambling for today, hope you are all okay.
Flo xxxx

"You are my life now."

Feeling better than I have in a long while today,
I went to the doctors, got myself sorted out, had to take some meds which I know will make me better, but I had to have 3 full meals for them to work. Pffft. But it's just one day.

Emergency contraception.. yes because Florence is a drunken dickhead. But seriously its made me feel so much better, and although my stomach feels disgustingly full. My last exam is tomorrow, and after that I have two weeks of work, so I plan on living at the gym paha.

Just had a major catch up on all your blogs, and I'm feeling inspired.

I read one, and I'm sorry you'll have to forgive me for I can't remember who's it was, but they were talking about not having a normal functioning relationship with food.

This is so true, my mum was watching me make my lunch, and I realise, I really have no idea, what is considered a normal meal, or a normal amount to eat, normal to me is a day not over 500 cals. It's either nothing or everything. There is no middle ground.

My normal will be restored tomorrow.



On another note, and I know it's naughty, but I don't feel that guilty because I know I will buy it when it comes out.. but I downloaded New Moon. Yes, it's so cliche but I do love a bit of twilight, <3 Hate the whole bandwagon thing, but the books. Yes please.

So overall feeling more positive, tomorrow will be back to 500 cals a day, at 200 cycling and at least 500 burn at gym. Job done.

Setting some new goals too.



WITH LOVE
Flo xxxxxxxxx

just wanted to add

thank you for all of your comments after my rambling last night, :)
love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx you're all amazing

no lies just love

fucked

fucked.


that's the only word to describe me these past few days. yes that's in every sense of the word.

fasting starts tomorrow.

my family won't talk to me because they think i'm on drugs.

my stomach is fat.

i'm drunk. again.



i think i may be falling for the guy i have "casual sex" with.

i saw my first love with his new girlfriend tonight.
she is pretty.
i am not.








i forgot how nice it was to wake up in someone's arms.

someone who kisses your neck and your forehead.

someone who will make you feel beautiful.

for all of those precious few hours.

i have forgotten how to feel beautiful