I am a Vampire

Afternoon all, :)

Foodwise, today's been a bit shit, an apple and literally 3 bites of pasta and two sandwiches.. oh and some chocolate buttons.. fail..  was planning on purging but my friend rang.. and that was an hour or so ago.. and now its too late.

So although pretty bad, marginally better than the horrific amount I've been eating of late..

I've decided to adopt the thinking of a good vampire.
Yes.
I know that sounds so fucking stupid and lame BUT hear me out.
 I'm going to think of food as alive. Eating it is bad. Only eat when necessary; extreme cases.
Drinking fluids is okay.
But food is not.
Eating food leads to bad things.

Food is the enemy.
Food is the enemy.
Food is the enemy.

Wow Florence, you've truly lost it, (: haha.

Everyday I cycle past a small little museum on my way home from college, and I always think to myself, "Ah next time I'll go in..", or "I really must go there soon", but today I actually did something about it, so I locked up my bike, paid my £2 and wasn't really sure what to expect.

I know that the idea of a museum doesn't appeal to everyone, and many of you will be reading this like.. err .. okay.. but I love them, I love losing myself in the past, imagining how everything would have been, I find it a nice distraction. I'd also been feeling a little apprehensive as to whether I was making the right decision reading History at uni, but afternoons like today make me sure it's the right decision.

In other news, I went out monday night, as we had the day off college Tuesday, absoloutely everybody was out, it was fun, I was drunk, I told the boy I like I liked him.. I hate making myself vulnerable, my first love broke up with his new love and was trying it on all night, I'm so proud that I managed to resist him, my gay friend asked me to set him up with him .. It was a very confusing night..

I got back to my best friends at five or so and we cooked potato wedges and I passed out on the sofa.
Good times.

Bad times however is me looking through the photos on facebook now.. my face looks bloated disgusting and flabby, I wouldn't expect anything less after the way I've been eating. But eurgh, I am disgusting.

As I've mentioned before, I'm studying eating disorders in psychology at the moment, as we get further into the course the more and more uncomfortable I get in lessons. I go red, get panicy and clam up for an hour, and it's beginning to become the lesson I dread.



Last week we were doing about the causes of eating disorders and the biological approach, we also looked the evolutionary explanation, both basically say that this fucked up lifestyle we lead is predestined, we were innately born with this, and the environment triggers it for some people.. So for an hour I sit there listening to insensitive pricks drone on about how eating disorders are due to fucked up brain functioning and there's nothing to be done to stop that.

Where does that leave people who want to recover?

I'm not sure what I believe. I'm not sure I care. It's all relative.

By the way, this isn't me sailing off to recovery, I'm just raising the point.

This is one of my favourite thinspo pics.

She is beautiful.

ANYWAY. Hitler's rise to power awaits. Yay..

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I best tidy up my head

Today I've not eaten much in the way of meals,
just a fuck fuck fuck load of chocolate.

Came on my period today, so I'm blaming that.
Always blaming something..
Gah.

Well i'm working all day tomorrow so at least I won't be able to stuff my face there.

Also,
I just watched Skins on 4od (sorry if you're not from the UK reading this and have no idea what I'm on about.. ).. but SERIOUSLY. How could they do that to Freddie??

I know i'm getting a bit repetitive, but here's some Skins thinspo in the form of Kaya Scoladerio seeing as I'm too tired to fathom writing anything more interesting.

Florence xxxxxxxxxx

Progress?

Hey guys,

So i've just got in from a night at the pub.. yes I know.. bad times, especially after all I said yesterday about alcohol sending me downward spiralling.. but actually tonight has been good.

I got in about half an hour ago.. semi tipsy, although I wouldn't say my normal level of rat-arsed, and instead of going to my usual place.. the kitchen .. to binge..

I didn't.

I got my laptop from the kitchen.

And simply walked back upstairs.

Now I am sitting in bed typing this.

So I know it doesn't seem like much.

But means a lot to me.

It makes me happy.

Tonight in general was also a lot of fun,  I went to cheer my friend on at a band competition, despite her not winning, it was still a lovely night :) Talked lots to my friend J, had a massive catch up with my two closest friends and generally felt like I gave some money to a good cause.

On another note, I got my exam results today..

Just a bit of background info.. I severely fucked up at college last year.. I didn't go, I just went out drinking my soul into the abyss and fucked up all my exams, didn't revise, and almost got chucked out of college, this year I got put on my last warning. I was a stupid dickhead, stuck in a rut, which is ironic, because I know I'm not stupid.

So anyway, last year I came out with shit grades, however I still got predicted pretty well for uni as my teachers understood I was in a bad place.... Anyway, this year I worked my arse off for the January resits.. re sat everything, and today my grades were.. AAA :D for AS.

My Auntie and Uncle sent me a balloon to say congratulations- made my day haha <3

This proves to me - If you want it hard enough, you can do it.

I also got my grades for a few modules from this year, got A's,  and without wanting to sound like a patronising whining bitch, seriously if you're reading this and you're in year 12, don't just cruise, LEARN from me, it will be so much easier if you do it this year, I understand that makes me sound like such a hypocrite, but honestly I wish I had.

BUT, enough lecturing from me.

Will be a proper post tomorrow. But quickly, the ECLIPSE trailer came out today AHHH
I don't care if you don't like Twilight, I do. EXCITING. It looks GEEWWWWWD.


http://www.robsessedpattinson.com/2010/03/full-twllight-eclipse-trailer.html



So here's some KS thinspo,

I know i've used some of these before, but they're my fav's :) especially this last one, she looks beautiful.

All My Love
Florence
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Evening all,

First and foremost, sorry for my gradual descent into the abyss, I am back.
And I am fatter than ever.

I am ready to say goodbye to Mia once and for all.
I am ready to say hello to restriction and emptiness.

I have missed you all.

Spent the last hour catching up on blogs and feeling inspired.

I can't even really explain myself, I could feel myself spiralling into the dark place, and in all honestly I've spent the past 2 weeks drinking myself to death, bringing with it drunk calories, binging, and just EURGH. I know it's is no excuse but it is all I have.

I don't want to feel like this.

Once again, Sorry.

Florence, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You'll need heart and you'll need courage, we all need time.

Daisy Lowe. <3

i am alive

shes a sensitive soul
the patchwork is parting, leaving gaping holes
need to get out of this city, get out of this town,
get out of the routine that's riding her down,

I love Cheryl Cole.

Today I can finally say, I feel back in control.

Had nothing to eat all day, got in and had a small apple, (80 cals), a ready made quorn cottage pie, (206) cals), and some steam fresh veg, (45 cals), so my total for the day is around 330 ish. Win.

Setting myself the limit of 350 cals per day, think this is definitely do-able, I always feel fine in the day so just a small meal at night suits me, plus it keeps the parents happy.

Got a positive outlook right now.
It can be done.

Oh and here's some Cheryl Cole, soon to be Tweedy again thinspo, because she's gorgeous and Ashley Cole's a wanker.

xxxxxxx

Hello!

Firstly, sorry for all the morose posts, I am in a much better place today :) and as cliche as it sounds tomorrow I am ready to kick start into ACTION.

This post isn't going to be a long one, but just thinspo thinspo thinspo, taking the time this evening to catch up on your blogs and get inspired!

Thank you for the comments on the couple of blogs, Ali Bella <3 you are a diamond (:

Going back to college tomorrow so thank god for a bit of routine!

Flo xxx